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December 2010

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Ups and Downs in Emotions

Yuss, the past couple of days have been strangely tempermental. Sometimes I'll feel young and bursting with life, and sometimes I'll just want to curl up and escape from all the things in my life. It's been an absolutely exhausting mix, I don't know wether to put it down to silly female hormones or the frustration of being shut inside with a refreshing breath of autumn taunting me on the breeze.

Yesterday morning I woke up so full of energy, yet I couldn't release it because the house was as usual more messy than a skip. So after spending the morning cleaning, I had a quick lunch, put a camera, a sliding craft knife and Red (my fox) in my strongest canvas satchel and set off to the fields with the determined intention of seeking for and finding something I've always wanted: A Red Kite feather.

I trotted my way over to the first field, and once we were out the way of people I took Red out and put him over my shoulders. It's quite amazing how his full beauty only really shows when he's outside in proper sunlight. I found myself admiring his colours all over again, like reminding yourself why you fell in love in the first place.  We walked down the length of the first field and crossed the road into the next one. I looked up at the sky, and what should be sailing right over me, but the stunning, huge, Red Kite. It sailed around in circles for a minute then decidedly changed direction and went off. I watched carefully as to where it was headed, then took a look around the field. A big red thing in the middle of the ploughed land immediately caught my attention. It was too far away too see what it was. Was it a fox? It was the right size and colour. It was also the right size and colour to be a landed Red Kite, but I couldn't tell from the distance. I hovered indesicively. I'd feel so naughty treading all over the farmers land, but I really wanted to see what this thing was too. I glanced around, and trotted out a little way. Then a little further. Then a little further. Eventually I just decided to hell with it, and went all the way. It was a big, red, sheet of.... something. It was snagged on a stick and fluttered a little to give the illusion it was alive. Dissapointed, I turned back and made my way around the other side of the field I had previously come down.

My theory was, Red Kites are scavengers and the best place for them to find carcasses would be on the side of the road. Therefor the more kites landed on the roads the more feathers would be around the road. So I stuck near the roads, my eyes all at once in the sky, on the road and in the surrounding fields. I continued along a loooooong lane for a while, then noticed a turn off into a field that had a big copse of trees on one side. Kites like to roost in high trees, so I figured underneath would be a likely place for feathers. On the way around towards the trees I noticed some scats. I think they were fox... so I could identify them later, I snapped a shot on my phone (completely and utterly forgetting the camera in my satchel) and carried on. Once I'd reached the trees I started noseying around in the bushes and foliage underneath them. Suddenly I head this twig snap and a huge rustle in the bush to my immediate right. I froze, and my chest went hot then cold. Fight or flight immediately kicked in, though not for any particular reason as there's nothing in the countryside that can harm me. I just stood there completely still, half crouched. It could have been a fox, badger or small deer, but foxes and badgers can bite when threatened and I certainly wasn't about to get bitten. I backed away from the bush slowly and made a big arc around it before continuing on my feather hunt. I felt very silly after. There was probably a small baby bunny sniggering away to itself in that bush. I passed beneath an Oak tree, then stopped and backtracked under it. I don't know what drew me back to that tree, but when I took a good long look into it's branches there was a jay hopping between branches. Yuss, jay feathers! I eargerly searched the ground, and what should I find but a big, red chest feather of the Red Kite. I was thrilled. It wasn't exactly a big, glorious wing or tail feather, but it was still what I had set out to find. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I trotted off happily still on the same trail. At the bottom of the field was a road, and a big white van with two Asian men in it was coming along the road. They were both staring, though wether it was at me or at Red I have no idea. 'Don't stop don't stop' I muttered under my breath as the van started slowing down. They slowed practically to a stop, but thankfully kept going without saying anything, though both continued to stare for as long as they could. I would have loved to know what was going through thier minds, though I was very relieved that they didn't stop. After trekking up the next field, I got the fright of my life when a phone went off next to me and I was convinced there was a stalker following me who had forgotten to switch his phone off, when I realised it was mine. "Where are you?!" My mum demanded. "Ummm... in a field somewhere..." was the best I could come up with.

After going through several more fields, traveling along fox and bunny tracks, picking up several more small common feathers and coming across some fresh owl pellets and a mostly eated pigeon, I exhaustedly took Red over my arms and made my way back across all the fields to home again. In the last field there were two male teenagers playing around with a moped. They were right in the middle of the pathway and I didn't want a confrontation. I tried making an arc around them, but one of them noticed me. "Heeeeeeeeeeeey babe!" he shouted. I gave him my best snarly, don't-piss-me-about face and trotted off. Funny thing was he didn't even notice the dead fox I was holding. What a moron. When we were out of earshot I rolled my eyes and told Red all about how stupid teenage males were. 

On the way back I picked up some beautiful red and gold leaves and eventually got home again. I collapsed on the kitchen floor and started searching my pockets for my prized feather I had just trecked three miles to find. Every other feather I picked up came out of the pockets, but no Red Kite feather. I frantically searched every pocket and all through my satchel, but nothing. I stopped, and burst out laughing. Hundreds of feathers had gone into that pocket, and every single one had come out safe and sound. But no, not this one I had gone so far to find. It was so, so, so typical. Still, I wasn't too upset. It had been an enjoyable walk and one day I really would find that beautiful wing or tail feather I so desired. It's just a matter or seeking hard and having patience.

Lots of exersise is supposed to leave you in good spirits, but as the hours went on I found my mood growing more and more upset. I desperately wanted someone to talk to. I wanted to tell someone about my funny, ironic day. But there was no one to talk to. I spent the evening feeling lonely, upset and lost and eventually went to bed in tears. I got very little sleep, too much on my mind and too upset to drift off easily.

The following morning (this morning) I woke up feeling a little better but still quite down. Plus I had a tonne of washing up to do and the house was a complete and utter tip again. I spent the morning and most of the afternoon washing, cleaning, sweeping, mopping, then by mid afternoon I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep. When I woke I was promply informed that someone had made a mess in the kitchen and I needed to tidy it up, along with a big mess in the hallway too. Oh, joy. Once I'd finished all that there was an hour before the males came home so I snatched the opportunity to watch a very interesting documentary on Africa's deserts. They are soooo fascinating. The biggest surprise was there are non-native red foxes living in the Kalahari. I have no idea how they survive in the heat.

By evening I'm feeling a lot better, having finally finished a picture of a maned wolf I've been wanting to do. It's been ages since I finished a coloured piece and I'm feeling quite smug with myself. They eyes are a little off and the ears a bit too small, but I'm still proud of it. Anyways, I have found these massive bundles of hawk, buzzard and owl feathers on eBay which have absolutely had me salivating over my keyboard. I'm trying to convince myself to save everything for my driving lessons, but but but......... They are just tooooo lovely. I'm completely in love with them. We'll see how high the auction goes. Hopefully waaaay to high for me.

From a very tired and emtionally drained Wulfie, goodnight!


Awr... *hugs* I'm sorry I've been out of town and not around online very much. :( Being lonely is an awful, gnawing feeling.

I'm glad you've been able to get out on a couple good treks though and with a fluffy companion each time too. I've really got to do that again sometime with one of my own pelts. It's been too long. <3